Back in the Saddle Again

I did it. I picked myself up by my bootstraps and hopped back on the weight loss horse. But this time I am not doing it by myself. Well, last time I didn't do it by myself either. But I mean to say that I joined Weight Watchers. And my friends who were there know that I was being a baby. Arms crossed, daring the WW leader to tell me that she lost 25 pounds in 1989. I dare her. I was totally being a baby and so I realized what I needed was to shed the "I dare you to tell me what I need to do" and begin to just kick my own ass and get back up on the saddle. So I'm trying.

I was so proud of everything I had accomplished in 2010. I lost 50 pounds. That is pretty rad. But the mental block of not going any further was weird. It's like I was stuck in space and I couldn't get to anywhere. I was just floating around. Plus, I had some major life changes. Not an excuse really....but life happens.

I think the main thing I have been facing is that now I don't have people to cook for. I live by myself, and it's hard to want to prepare things for just me. When I come home after working with 44 little people the last thing I want to do is cook a hot meal for one.

So there ya have it. I'm trying. Trying to get back in that saddle. Anyone wanna give me a boost?

I kinda forgot...

So yeah. I kinda forgot. I kinda forgot how quickly I slide back into a sacrificial routine as a teacher. After a year of being a "non-teaching teacher" and working as Pam from the Office, I actually had time for some serious self-care. I kinda forgot that being a teacher makes taking care of oneself more difficult.

I wake up and from the moment my feet hit the floor I feel like I am literally running. Running out the door with coffee in hand, running into the classroom for the early morning parent meeting, running to the bathroom for a quick two minute pee before the bell rings 'cause only the good Lord knows when I'll have another two minutes to myself. Running around encouraging, loving, cheering on my 24 kindergartners as they interact, engage, and learn their reading, writing, math, social and emotional skills, and science in 2 hours and 45 minutes. Then I get to clean up the craziness for the next round in the afternoon.

I kinda forgot why teaching is so hard. It's demanding. I can't just take a 15 minute break. I have started to slide into the old me. I forgot about the staff meetings, the extra demands placed on us to get everything done in a short amount of time, and the way I feel like just going to bed when I get home.

I can't forget how far I've come. 50 pounds lost is HUGE! I have so far to go, but I can't slide back now. I have to figure out a way to keep my sanity yet be the best teacher I can be. I need a balance. I kinda forgot how much energy teaching takes. Sometimes I get worried. I worry that I won't be able to hack it, that I will revert back to my old ways because I don't have time to cook, exercise or spend time with friends. But then I also forgot that I need to continue to MAKE TIME to do those things BECAUSE I need to be the best teacher I can be. I kinda forget at times that those things that are important to me need to remain a priority.

So I'm going to eat healthy. I am journaling. I have joined a support group at school with fellow teachers who want to get healthy. I NEED to keep on going. For me.

Then I remember those kiddos. Those kiddos that just melt my heart when they tell me I'm beautiful. That I'm the best teacher they've ever had. That I'm sooooooo sooooo funny. And silly. I remember that they may not know how to tie their shoes or sometimes they forget to flush the toilet. But I love them. When a child finally "gets it" and I see the light bulb go off...THAT is why I do this. And that, my friends, is hard to forget.

Back on Track and Farmin' Like a Pro...or maybe like the Minor Leaques

Well, I just finished my first "official week" of back in the classroom with needless orientations on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. My dear friend Miriam and I have had a wonderful week of hanging out and she has graciously allowed me to stay at her kick-ass house in South Seattle. I'm soooo excited to be back in Seattle AND to be back in the classroom. I am also excited to get back in the routine of healthy eating and exercising. It's so much better when I have a routine and I'm back on track and eatin' and workin' out like a pro.

Or maybe like the Minor Leagues.

But I'll get there. I really will.

My life is like a country song.

My birthday was yesterday. I'm 33 years young. I'm happy. I'm getting healthy.

And I'm seriously starting to FREAK OUT!!!!

I was supposed to have 2.5 kids, a husband and a yellow house with white trim and a white picket fence right now.

But I don't.

Instead, I work at an office job that I COULD hate, but don't. Only on Mondays do I allow myself the freedom to be grumpy. I laugh at the accounting acronyms and find myself staring at the bank deposits wondering why MY name isn't K&H Printing.

I live with my parents. Yup. That's right. I'm 33 years old and I'm LIVING AT HOME! So much for the white picket fence. Well, at least a white picket fence that I could paint purple because it's MINE!

And love? humph. guess i'd better get out there and do that speed dating thing. Cause love is definitely not knocking.

But you know what?

For the first time in my life I am passionate about WHO I am. Not what I am doing or where I am working or who my ROOMMATES are! (Hi Dad!)

I feel as though 33 is my breaking out year. I feel great that I am finally figuring out who I am, what I stand for, and what makes me happy. My health has improved and I feel it emanating from my being. When I feel good physically, it's amazing how I feel better emotionally and spiritually as well. I am soooo blessed to have friends that love me despite my faults, and I am working on my faith and growing in my love for God.

So maybe that's a country song. But that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

My First Salad!

So I'm soooo sorry I haven't posted anything in a REALLY REALLY REALLY long time...

So to catch you up, I thought I'd give you some highlights.

(translation: So I thought I'd give you a REALLY REALLY REALLY long post. Sorry 'bout that.)

(Oh and these highlights are chronological not ordered by importance. Although I do think that Carrot Cake with REAL cream cheese frosting is up there. Just sayin'.)

Highlight #1

Father's Day...

I made Carrot Cake with

REAL cream cheese frosting

for my Daddy.

My mama made oatmeal raisin cookies for my uncle.

She's the BEST at that.

It was my first attempt to make something unhealthy and still live to tell about it. I think I did okay, after every one was gone, I only ate half of it by myself! But it's got carrots in it, so it's healthy, right?!?!? :) We quadrupled the cream cheese frosting recipe, 'cause...ya know....you can't have TOO much frosting, and we decided that warm oatmeal raisin cookies with cream cheese frosting is quite a good thing. But a warm oatmeal raisin cookie SANDWICH with cream cheese frosting is pretty much the best thing. YUM!

Highlight #2

My dear roommate and friend Sara is gettin' hitched this Saturday. Last month, her sister and I threw her a shower. It was super fun, and I have to admit, the food was YUMMY!!!

This is Sara, and her super fly pooch, Denver.

This is super mama, Carrie.

She's 8 months pregnant, has a two year old

and STILL had time to make cupcakes with lemon frosting for her sister.

YUM!!!

I made a Watermelon Fruit Basket

a Brie Cheese baked with apricot marmalade, pecans, and chilis...

artichoke heart dip...

chocolate covered strawberries....

and my favorite....

SANGRIA! So yum!

Highlight #3

I took a two week vacation to FLORIDA!!! It was AWESOME, BEAUTIFUL, and HOT! (I realize this could be a post in itself, but I am trying to do highlights here people.) I walked and swam every day, and I even MAINTAINED while I was on vacation! Write that one down in my baby book, that's a first for me!!!

This is my Sister of my Heart.

She is the most amazing woman, mother, friend, counselor,

and encourager that I have ever met in my life.

I love her so much that I flew to Florida and slept in the same room as her mom, her three children and herself. They must all love me a lot too. :)

We made Thai food one night. It was DELISH!

Laap Moo (minced pork with lime, cilantro, chili, and galangal)

Massaman Curry

Tam Kha Guy (coconut milk soup with chicken)

Chicken Satay

My favorite little Katie.

And I wonder why I'm single. Sheesh.

Highlight #4

I also got to visit with one of my dearest friends from college, Meika, and her husband, Josh. They moved to Florida some time ago, and Meika is 7 months pregnant. She is sooo cute pregnant. It's funny when we all grow up and do grown up things. Like get married and have babies. I still feel like we should be in our college dorm room with her on the top bunk and me on the bottom bunk just TALKING about what we want to do when we grow up...

Fireworks at Fort Lauderdale

Baby Shower - I made a diaper cake with denim diapers.

I am proud to say it turned out pretty cute.

If I don't say so myself.

Highlight #5

One of my dear Bangkok Peeps, Natasha just happened to be in Florida at the same time.

I got to hang out with her a couple of times while I was there.

She has just flown her bad self to Africa, namely Tanzania.

I'm very jealous but excited for her new adventure.

I'm hoping she can find me an Irish-speaking black man...ya think???

well...one can dream.

Highlight #6

Now I'm back...and the BEST part is....my garden is GROWING!!! I made my first, and now SECOND salad of the year! I'm so in love with just being able to walk outside and pick greens and spinach and onions and nasturtiums - yes you can eat nasturtiums! It makes eating your vegetables FUN!!!

Feelin' Sad and Binge Eating

Hey lovelies. I just wanted to write to say that I'm doing okay, but have been dealing with some super tough issues that have happened to a couple of my loved ones and I'm just feelin' a little blue tonight.

I think my journey is going along great...I'm happy, I'm doing fine....and then.... BUMP.

I fall head first into a giant road block. I get stuck. Like mud-up-to-my-knees type of stuck and I really think it's going to consume me. The food, the emotions, the lack of self control. All of my old thoughts, ways and feelings all pile onto me as I'm stuck in this muck. I feel sad, angry, frustrated, ugly and unworthy.

I feel this little nasty voice in my head saying, I'm not worth it, I'm just gonna gain everything back, so why bother trying. And then this other voice in my head, it's actually a softer voice, but firmer says... NO! You have come too far to turn back and you need to think about just how far you have come! We are NOT giving up!

So here I sit. In the muck. I know that things will look better soon.

I just gotta climb outta this muck. One step at a time.

A Day At the Park!

This past weekend my kiddos were here with Erik and Laura. I absolutely LOVE it when we all get to be together. Wyatt loves the Fun Fort, a local favorite at my old elementary school so we loaded up the fam damily and heading on over.

This is Wyatt's excited "I'm going to the PARK!" face.

This was their little snail family that they found...much to Grandma and Mama's dislike...

But Aunty didn't mind. :) Exploration is good for the soul...

nothing a little scrub down wouldn't clean!

My favorite Little Man!

I could just kiss him all day!

This picture cracked me up! First of all, I LOVE my SIL Laura...I can't believe she puts up with all of our crazy antics! But what I love the most is...

Wyatt and Erik have the same "fake smile"!!!

I can't believe Wyatt learned Daddy's trick already!

I love my Abby girl! Such a sweet spunky little lady!

Grandma and Ryan in Grandma's "Castle"... She's the Queen after all, ya know!